The art…. to love other!
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[The art to be honest] [The art to forgive] [The art to live] [The art to change another] [The art to be a human being] This part is superfluous
if you understand it most difficult if you
will sink into it and pure nonsense if
you need it Introduction: The words
"love" and "affection" can maybe seem
diffused and out-dated in a technological society but these words
reflect a reality we cannot rationalize away - even if we want to. Love has more aspect
among other things Agape who is the giving -
undemanding - forgiving - generous - warm - charitable love and Eros who is the longing -
passionate - demanding - difficult - burning - erotic love. A combination of
Agape and Eros can cause an "unpretentious desire" or a mutual giving
which will surpass all desires. This part is about
that Agape who gives a free leeway to Eros. I It is no art to love
another as you love yourself because it's no art
to give what we have and that we don't
have we cannot give. II The love is obvious -
don't demand time for reflection and don't make reservations as: - I would love you if
I just could forgive you! - I would love you if
you just looked more handsome! - I would love you if
I didn't love another! - I would love you if
I could be sure never to meet someone I could love more! - I would love you if
there were no "if"! III Love is to mix up
with independence and desire to own that person who is the subject
for the burning feelings: - You are everything
to me! - My heart is yours -
your heart is mine and you will never get it back! - We are one part and
we will do everything together! - You may do whatever
you like as long as you stay with me. - If you don't love
me I will kill my self! If you cannot live
without me I cannot live with you. IV Your need for love
don't need excuses and your longing don't need motives. Love is without
expectations and whom who love cannot be disappointed. That love you pay for
can be the only love you dare receive. Love with demand as
gratitude - paybacks or replies will be as a present
with an enclosed invoice. V You can make love to
me without loving me and you can love me
without making love to me. You can believe that
you love me without loving and you can love
without knowing. You can believe that
you are beloved without being loved and you can be loved
without knowing. You can seem
undemanding and tolerant and wish me luck if you don't care and
don't love me and you can seem
undemanding and tolerant and wish me luck if you love me. VI Love isn't to give me
what you like me to have. If you give me what
you wish for yourself I hope that you
disgust everything I disapprove. Love isn't to stand a
lifelong connection, which never should have been started. Love isn't to feel
sorry for me or try to improve me. Love isn't to be
naive or self-sacrificing or being exploit or
abuse. Love isn't to wear my
burden for releasing your own. VII Being in love makes
you blind. Love can see. Being in love makes
you want. Love will give. Being in love makes
you talk. Love listen. Being in love makes
you jealousy. Love will wish me
well. Being in love commit. Love will release. Being in love take us
together to meet that problems we wouldn't have had if we haven't meet
each other. The love which could
have solved the problems we will find when we already have
find the solution. VIII Loving me against
your will make you hate me and
make me feel guilty. I don't want that
love, which are made by fear, self-sacrificing -
adoration - loneliness - sense of duty desire of power -
helpfulness or a bad conscience. I don't want that
love - you rather want to give another. I don't want that
love you envy for yourself. IX Quote by Paulus: "If I owned all
wisdom and talked all languages but didn't have love then I was just a
ringing ore - a resounded cymbal." Love doesn't envy -
doesn't cling - isn't arrogant - doesn't condemn will not be
unfaithful - doesn't demand - will not threaten - doesn't lie will not estimate -
doesn't provoke - will not argue and will not bear a
grudge to an insult. X Love shows in: confidence - humour -
responsibility - respect - clarity care - honesty -
sensitivity - solidarity - patience and everything you
want other may show you. The way the world
looks can make you think that the biggest of
all isn't love but fear for love. XI If you only love me
when I'm strong your love will be
like a banquet when I'm full and as stone for
bread when I'm hungry. If you only love me
when I'm weak your love will give
me a reason not to be strong. If you only love me
when you are strong your love will be as
strong as an ice floe in spring. If you only love me
when you are weak I don't want to be
weak when you are strong. XII Wishing well to
another, is to divide in that way that each part will
be bigger than it all. If you love me you will want me to
have all those experiences that made me the one I am. If you love me you also can give me
up and wish me my own life as I want and with
who I want. If you love me you will respect
yourself and will not give in fear or for pleasing me. If you love me you can rather give
me up than give up yourself and say yes when you
mean yes and no when you mean
no. If you love me you will take a yes
for a yes and a no for a no. If I ask you if you
love me it is love to tell
the truth especially if you
don't love me. If you love me you will see me the
way I am and accept what you
see without trying to change me to someone you rather want to
love. XIII Perhaps you have
received so little closeness that you saw infringement as love. Perhaps you have
received so little love that you see closeness as
infringement. All of us give and
take in our own way. To love you in
another way than you expect is like trying to
fill up a bottomless cup. XIV Father-love -
mother-love and brother and sister-love could be illusions
made of children-desire of love and the surroundings
need to pretend that they have give it to them. If you want to accept
others love to day you have to stop
waiting for that love you didn't had yesterday and will not have
tomorrow. If you want to meet
the love now you also have to get through
with your bitterness and sadness because you didn't
meet the love long ago. If you go on waiting
for that love you should have received you have to wait for
the rest of your life. XV That love you never
have received you cannot loose. That love you have
received no one can take away. That love you are
afraid of you cannot accept. That love you give
away cannot be lost. Love seems to be the
only resource, which grows by using. XVI If you don't believe
in love you will not see it and you will prove
right. Perhaps you rather
will prove right than love? XVII Pretend that the
consciousness for lack of love is the condition of
love then lack of love
would be love too. XVIII You are selfish if
you don't love anyone and because of that don't
expect anyone to love you. You are
self-destructive if you don't dare to see your opponent and because of that
fight against yourself. You are
self-sacrificing if you do neglect your own aim for realize an others
aim. You are self-denying
if you rather would have been another. You are
self-satisfied if you believe that you will grow by pretend growing. You are
self-annihilated if you believe that you will grow by pretend being
small. You have self-respect
if you can feel big without making
another small. You are
self-confirmed if you don't have a need to be understood and believed by anybody but
yourself. You have
self-confidence if you - while you are
waiting for others opinion - appreciate yourself. XIX If you can only love everybody
else you cannot love anybody because you can't
give away what you cannot give
to yourself. To give love wouldn't
be love if it wasn't love to
accept love. If those who love
also can accept love much will be giving
when love meets love. Self-love is that
love for yourself, which gives your love value from whomever you
love as yourself. XX My words can only
frighten you if you already are timid. My words can only
make you sad if you already have sadness in your heart. My words can only irritate
you if you already have anger in your head. My words can only
hurt you if you already felt hurt. My words can only
make you happy if happiness already are yours. My love can only
reach you if you already love yourself. Or else you maybe feel
that you aren't worth my love you doubt my
judgement - and my reasons and deny love without
knowing it. That love you deny
can be welcome in another place. But do you love
yourself so little that the love doesn't
reach you it will be you who
need it most. XXI All the talk about
demands of love: self-sacrificing -
sadness - troubles and martyrdom could give love such
a bad reputation that you will try to avoid it. All the talk about
the happiness - and peace of love can seem so
unrealistic that you don't even try to take care of that love you already have. XXII None of your enemies
can torture you as much as you can torture yourself by being wexed at the
past and being worried for the future. But every enemy is an
out-side manifestation of an inside pain. If you follow the old
advice to forgive your enemy you cannot avoid in the same time to
forgive and starting to love yourself and your enemy get
value as a friend. XXIII If you don't love me
with my fault and weaknesses then you do not love
me. That's why love
demand resolution and courage to meet all me and get along with
every feelings which aren't love. XXIV To have love is to
love your self. To give love is to
inspire your neighbour to love him self. If you have learned
to live in harmony with your
imperfection as much as with your greatness then you love
yourself. If you also can live
in harmony with others greatness
and missing ability to fulfil the demand of love to love then you also love
other. XXV If we believe that
any meeting between people gives a possibility
to grow and mature we will love not only
our fellows but the life too. Epilogue. The writer doesn't
pretend to live after his own theory and refer to the words: - You teach what you
most of all need to learn! |